5pm
Today I just stayed inside and cleaned and slept. Again. Not like I was completely unproductive- scrubbed every inch of the house yesterday. (Even the taps. Gross.) Shopped for groceries. Got ingredients for dishes I wanted.
But as usual, I was feeling all depressed today (as I have for the past month and a half) so I decided to go outside and bike to the park.
Along the way, I imagined what a screenplay about what Taxi Driver would be like if Travis Bickle was a high schooler. Minus the "travis bickle commits domestic terrorism" parts. That kind of stuff's gross to even THINK about, personally. Hits a nerve. I'm just saying, the kind of disillusionment and "nobody likes me, time to blame it on everyone else" type of self-centered alienation Bickle exhibits is perfect for a high schooler.
Riding a bike is actually a really good way to brood and be depressed. It's real easy to just zone out. And so I zoned, headphones on (I had an argument with another contributor about this. How can you wear headphones when you're biking? You won't be able to hear anything! Well, it's not like you wear a helmet either. I should probably start wearing one, though. Let me have a couple avoidant bad habits I justify to myself... one that might give me brain damage... I could go on a whole rant about the state of bikeability in my town, but I won't bother- I'm writing this on a park bench) until an intersection, at which point some very generic looking teenage boys shouted something at me as they drove by. Something about "bike". Or "dyke". I couldn't hear them all that clearly. They were laughing. Another point in favor of headphones, I guess.
Then I went on a depression walk in the woods. One of my favorite activities. I forgot it was mosquito season and ran out within 5 minutes, but I ended up getting bitten 6 times. Ugh.
I feel like the mosquitoes know when I feel like shit and thinking about hurting myself and do the work for me. Or I just go outside more when I'm depressed. Who knows.
Oh, and I beat Fallout 1. Again. Within 4 hours. Can't post screenshots because my computer is on the brink of death. Great.
I know my other 2 contributors will probably never post on here. They're both super busy with their own things and career stuff. I'm, like, the only one on here with no life. Not a guilt trip, maybe I should stop sticking names onto each post.