interpersonal stuff

I learned a lot about stuff. Not going into detail about any of it. Just....... high schoolers can be so mean and petty, man. just in general. I wish conflict resolution was more natural to us. I mean like, we have to clash here so we can get better at navigating that stuff in adulthood, but it doesn't really seem like anyone makes up. or just. The cliquey shit in mean girls is a simulacrum of reality, but it's still a representation in some way of how things do go down. I don't want to get into detail, but I learned one of my friends was dealing with some real awful stuff from her coworkers, and it's like, it parallels how I was treated by some of my previous friends. Similar crowds too,around the same time (we were both so upset that we didnt really bother trying to talk to the other). War never changes, I guess.

I'm going to make an effort to try and hang out with her more to make up for it. We were doing a critical rewatch series of Evangelion (which I promised I'd transcribe onto here- I'm going to do a bit right now before I start on calculus homework).

Speaking of which, I've decided to keep taking Calculus. I can't really talk to my teacher about it right now (they're not at school and won't be for a while, well past the deadline to drop the class) but even if its stressing me out and makes me want to die now. it's weird. I almost.. want to do it. I want that credit so bad, I'll do anything for it. I've planned some study sessions with friends. Maybe this is suicide. but hey, most of my life choices have been suicidal, anyways.

Maybe I'm just saying that because I don't have Calculus homework today. I'm in a weirdly good mood: I felt good enough to write and draw today! Maybe senior year won't be completely awful. I'm maturing.

But yeah I'm glad I got to talk to her again. High schoolers can be really cruel beasts.

beatpop girl-a-thon

we didn't have theater today. bums me out because I wanted to talk to [loud foghorn sound effect] today. ah well. they listened to my vocaloid recs ;_;

I should tell them how I feel, someday. It would probably be the end of our relationship. Maybe during graduation.

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok no more complaining about college and job shit. I'll get to work on it today after I finish WRITING ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got permission and equipment to film a little project I've been wanting to do for a while now! I'm so happy... !!!!! I have full teacher support and expensive equipment, so I'm going to try and use my time wisely. I also got a huge planner to plan it in.

I'm not very well liked among the people I plan to interview for this, so I'm going to try and see if I can get any co-conspirators to help me with this. If I actually finish the project (gonna get people to sign off on video release forms soon too) I might upload it here....? it would 100% tie me back to my irl identity though so I'd have to delete a lot of posts first. but hehe :))))))) IM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

Theater saved my life. Seriously. nuff said.

ok, signing off for now. Gotta transcribe some NGE rewatch audios.