Fun Times

Went out to the city with 2 of my friends yesterday. We had a blast. I thought everything being in walking distance would make things easier, but we spent a LOT of time walking to find restaurants... you'd think it'd be easier to find some cheap food in a city, but I guess not. It was really hot out and they both got worn out. I feel kind of bad about that. I planned pretty much everything out except the eating part... (and if you're reading this, you-know-who, we did actually see the place you recommended! it was just packed to the brim when we got there XP)

Anyways we went to a natural history museum (cool stuff there, since it was a university museum) and talked about birds a lot. And dinosaurs. I had to explain to one of my friends what a gar was. (that's my favorite fish btw.)

I really hope Styro posts on here at one point, because he kept telling us about these weird direct-to-tv animated movies and I like hearing him talk about them. My friends are all into something kinda niche, and it's just really fun. I don't think I know anyone that ISN'T obsessively into one little thing, honestly.

But back to the topic. After the museum we went to get food (again, I feel SO bad about this.. we basically walked like a mile and a half looking for stuff to eat) and then we stopped by a comics shop. God I love comics shops. The one in my town is like something out of Eltingville Club. It's one of those small places with all the comics in neat little sleeves, where you're supposed to buy, not browse. The one I went to in the city was huge, had a whole basement full of nothing but indie zines and tabletop RPGS, and had pretty much every new manga and indie comic you could want. The closest thing to a comics shop w that kind of stuff stocked in my neighborhood is a Barnes n' Noble, like 4 miles from where I live, so I spent a lot of the trip freaking out (and debating for 45 minutes whether to buy Watchmen or the Shaman King omnibus - seriously, 3 volumes for $20 is a steal!!!!)

I got Watchmen. I love Watchmen. I've been telling my friends all about it and how friggin brilliant it is or whatever, probably much to their chagrin. I should lend Styro my copy of it.

But yeah. Cities are cool even if it costs $5 for 2 bottles of water. (I wish I brought more water too. We were thirsty the whole time.) There was some kind of parade going on in town, and there were SO many people with gay pride flags. They don't do anything like that where I live. It was crazy. There were people doing political campaign stuff too. Obviously, it's right by a university so it's perfect for political discourse. But still, it's cool how ideas travel so fast in cities. Political discourse in suburbs is mostly over HOA regulations and how bright streetlamps should be, or stuff like that. And of course the endless feuds of the school district and the PTA. I think if we had anything like this where I lived, we'd have parents clutching pearls over their CHILDREN seeing all of this gay political shit. I won't go into too much detail as to not be identified, but gay pride being so visible and accepted? That's fucking crazy. I just can't comprehend it. I'd never really thought that much about life outside my little corner of (redacted state) until this year, mainly because I had to visit 8+ cities this year for varying reasons. Cities just have this allure that suburbs don't have. They're a place where things happen, you know?

As I was walking, I was talking about this with Styro when we saw some graffiti tags that said "(CITY NAME) is worse than CERVICAL CANCER." Styro remarked "I guess people just dislike whereever they've lived in the longest."

Anyways we went to the arcade after that. It was expensive but fun. I feel bad that I made such a fuss about the pinball machines being so expensive. I feel like I kind of ruined my friends' fun because I got so stressed out. But seriously, a dollar for a round of pinball is insane.

They had DDR 5 & 7 though. It turns out DDR is actually really fun and manageable if you set the difficulty to easy. I got to play some of the songs that I have on my mp3 player (i know that makes me a fake rhythm game fan since I just NOW played it. Whatever.) Orange Lounge is a great band, Mobo Moga is a great track. AND they had Marvel V. Capcom and Street Fighter 5. I played a couple rounds with my other friend (who I will call Noita because he likes Noita the video game) and lost. hard. I played until I got sick of playing. I think I've caught arcade fever: I have a sudden urge to go to Styro's and play some Darkstalkers. I've never really cared that much about rhythm games or fighting games, but I need SOMETHING to do to put off doing my college applications and getting a job and stuff....

But yeah, fun times. This is the shit we should have been doing.

Today & bonus rambling

I ended up sleeping in until 9 and not getting out of bed until 10:30 today. Too tired from walking around so much. Watched the rest of Fight Club (a movie I still don't get), did my alloted chunk of summer homework, opened my college application, shut it off and spent 12-4 playing Fallout 1. Then 4-5 playing rhythm games. Then did some chores for my mom. Completely unproductive day. I have this itch. This guilt. Oh god, I wasted all my time, and school's gonna start in 20 days and I have nothing to show for it! My friends have been volunteering and working part-time and I've been laying on my ass playing video games!

I could see it in a more positive light: I finally got to open up all of those games I haven't touched in a while cuz depression. But hey, finding new ways to hate myself is what I do best. Might as well get up and clean my room after I finish writing this - try to do SOMETHING that isn't a complete waste of time.

As I've been working on stuff about myself that I don't like (I say "loving yourself" is bullshit when you have really destructive attributes that basically ruin every relationship you start) I've just.. well, I could say a lot of stuff here, but I probably shouldn't. I was going to write an entry about my experience doing some extracurriculars and what went wrong, and my subsequent depressive spiral, and I was telling a friend about it and they were like "why would you write about something like that?"

Anyways, I realized that 1) I overshare too much and 2) expressing constant depressive and self-loathing ideas is a really good way to make conversations awkward and make your friends kind of annoyed. I feel really bad. I shouldn't even have brought it up. I'm gonna lose sleep about it for months now. Yesterday night was probably the most sleep I've gotten since January., probably since I was so exhausted. Every night, I just think about every single thing I did that day and my complete lack of social skills or regard for other people until I get too tired to keep doing that. Again, I should probably follow (friend)'s advice and stop talking about that kind of stuff. It just helps me process it. It's not that I want other people to know how depressed I am all the time.. just to understand me better. They don't have to, they shouldn't, but I want them to.

Don't expect entries from me to be short or on topic. I'm not good at doing either. I'll save that for my homework.